Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
