Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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