I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
