Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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