on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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