I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
