Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
