Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
