tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
