so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
