The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
