I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
