I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I supernannyed him into submission
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
