When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
