my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
