I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
