Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
