How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
