I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
