Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
