Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
