Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
