ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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