So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
