i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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