Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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