Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
