She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
