she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
being pregnant is like rehab
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
