My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
