Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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