im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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