ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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