I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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