the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
