I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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