Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She bit a glass in half.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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