It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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