She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
