So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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