the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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