Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
