she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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