I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
