Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
