therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
