I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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