I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
