He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
