So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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