is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
