I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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